Mindfulness: Step One - Non-judgmental

Stop Judging: We are judgmental people. Even the most accepting of us, is easily given to judgment, and very few of us would be described as being a most accepting person. We have prejudices, biases, complaints, fussiness, and we are judgmental especially when it comes to our SELF. But we can’t be mindful until we can take the position as an impartial witness to our own experience. Being mindful requires that you become aware of the stream of judging and reacting to inner and outer experiences and step back from it. We all have this habit of categorizing our experiences into good and bad, or positive and negative. This black or white judging of our life locks us into mechanical automatic reactions to our thoughts. Most often we are not even aware of what we are doing, so naturally we don’t realize that there is no objective basis at all for a judgmental thinking.

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TRY THIS: For just 1 short minute (60 seconds) observe how often your mind dwells on the stuff you like or dislike. Can you count the judgmental thoughts? If not, can you count the self-critical thoughts? Now extrapolate: if you have this many judgmental thoughts in one minute and there are 60 minutes in and hour, and 24 hours in a day, and 7 days in a week then you have 10,080 minutes per week that are stuffed full of judgmental thoughts. If our programing forms our beliefs, actions, and feelings, and if we have hundreds of thousands of self-critical or other-critical thoughts, then how can we hope to be anything other than depressed, grouchy, fussy, hateful, irritable sad-sacks?

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Commit yourself to becoming non-judgmental. You can’t just stop this judging, especially the judging of yourself. In my own case, I’m thinking I may NEVER stop being judgmental, but you and I can commit ourselves to working toward becoming non-judgmental. The mindfulness goal is to see things the way they are, rather than the way we assume them to be.

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Even when I am consciously trying to notice what’s going on around me, I know that my mind automatically selects the material it wants to report and how – much like a newspaper – it slants the data. ~Boorstein

What is Mindfulness?

Mindfulness means paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and nonjudgmentally. ~ Jon Kabat-Zinn

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The word Mindful or Mindfulness has a specific cluster of meanings, but it is not all that far from the way mama uses the word when she said “mind your manners.” To be mindful is to pay attention. To be mindful is to pay attention in order to cope with life and live in the NOW. But being mindful is more than just paying attention. For example, I can be aware that I’m acting like an irritable jerk, but still not be mindful of my irritable jerk-dumb-ness. To be mindfully irritable I would have to be deliberately conscious of where the sensations I’m labeling as irritations are located. If I were just aware that that I was irritated, my mind might also wonder around jumping from thought to thought. I might be rerunning the incident that sparked this irritation in me, and imagining me saying or doing something different this time and crushing my opponent, or I might also be watching TV, or answering my wife when she asks a question, and I have the ability to do several of these things at once.

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There are benefits of being mindful that come only from mindfulness. You see, when you practice mindfulness you can study yourself, what you are feeling at the very moment you are feeling it, and you can explore that feeling without getting all mired by the guilty past or entangled in your worrisome future. Just thinking is not good enough. If you just think, then the mind will wander, and unleash all sorts of negative thinking and raw emotions including anger, yearnings, jealousy, self-hatred, depression, and every shade and shape of fear that resides within the folds of your brains. If you practice mindfulness you harness and manage your thoughts, which in turn promote insightfulness and inner calm.

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Unless you are practicing mindfulness there is no purposefulness to your awareness. There is no conscious effort to bring your attention back to the irritation, or the joy, or the walking, or the eating, or whatever it is that you are doing in the NOW. Being purposeful is an essential aspect of mindfulness. Having the purpose of staying with our experience of NOW keeps us in the present moment. Being in the present moment is a cure to all the negative emotions we feel. Mindfulness keeps us from chewing on the past or the future, regurgitating our guilt [the past] and worry [the future] and then chewing on them some more.

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If I am irritated and become mindful of how I am feeling in the present, in my NOW, the irritation eventually dissolves because irritation sprouts from the past and mindfulness is always in the present. If irritations are in the past and if the past no longer exists, then by being mindful you become aware that the irritation in your NOW is based upon nothing, and it is easy to let go of nothing. Mindfulness is a good way to live.

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If this were my only life, I would also want to live with mindfulness, so as not to miss anything. And I would want to live with generosity and compassion because they bring happiness here and now, and because I will not be able to keep anything in the end. ~Kornfield
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My ole shrink Dr. Frank Shultz use to tell me when I got upset, to: take two or three deep breaths, relax my belly, and then asking myself, “Am I safe?”

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Almost always the answer is going to be, “Yes.” If the answer is “No,” then it’s time to call 911 or run like hell. Almost always, in the present, in your NOW, you are safe. Mindfulness is where our calm, contented self lives.