Obama, Sexual Intercourse and the Psychology of Disappointment

It is important to realize that there is a predictable psychological response that almost always follows getting what you want: disappointment, and regret. It often occurs after we have built something up in our minds, dreamed, our dreams, imagined how great it was going to be IF ONLY, waited with the patience of a little kid expecting a bike for Christmas. We use various phrases to describe this phenomena, such as: buyer’s remorse, the let down, the honeymoon is over.

It is certainly true that by Wednesday, November 5, 2008 nearly half of the voters will be disappointed. What some may not realize that by November 5, 2010 it is likely that 2/3rds of the voters will be disappointed, wishing they had voted for the other guy, wishing Hillary had won, and on and on it will go.

This is a pattern of emotional behavior that is not isolated to elections, and it is inevitable that it will be experienced by lots of people who voted for the winner.

For many, the first time they have sex is one of the more dramatic times that they experience this Psychology of Regret. There really was no way to dodge this disappointment bullet when it comes to sex. Most of us build it up so great in our minds that there is nothing possible that would meet the level of ecstasy we were anticipating.

In my own case I can remember being in a bad car crash and as the car was tumbling over one, two, three times, and I was flopping around inside like a rag doll in a clothes drier, what I was praying was this: God don’t let me die before I get to have sexual intercourse.

Our hormones make us want sex so much that when it finally happens, it rarely, and maybe never equals what we anticipated.

This same phenomena applies to this year’s election.

For one thing, at least for me, and a few million others, this election has been so interesting, so exciting, so all consuming that (I and) we have become election junkies, addicted to the adrenaline rush of hourly campaign news. Without the hyper-reporting of campaign speeches, gaffs, controversial associations, “worse persons in the world” coverage and conservative-liberal mudslinging, and the yammering on of pundit debates what are we going to do? A withdrawal is inevitable, and all withdrawal is unpleasant, and is the perfect example of “let down.”

I believe Obama will win, but I also feel that it is still possible, by morning, that McCain could be our President elect. Regardless of who wins, I expect most of us to be engulfed in regret and disappointment in the days, weeks, and months that will follow this election. I also feel that the “let down” will be even greater should Obama be our President. After all, if Obama wins he will be the first African American to be President, so any unexpected current event, and every decision objected to by anyone is likely going to be blamed on his race. If the race thing isn’t central to our disappointment then all that Democrat,/liberal/socialist/Marxist labeling will be the reason Obama can’t turn water in to win, walk on water, fix the economy, provide National Health care, and eliminate taxes.

If disappointment is inevitable then what are all of us future disappointment victims to do?

• Expect it. It is coming, so don’t over react to it.
• Become an activist. The best way to fill the election action vacuum is to be a participant the political process that follows. For most folks, the “first time” they have sex is disappointing, they don't just stop having sex. Instead, they take a greater interest in the whole sexual experience. Most people work harder to contributing their part to make the whole sex thing good for both parties.

When we get disappointed with the political process we need to ask ourselves if there is something we can do to contribute to the process, and make the whole thing enjoyable for all of us.

There is an old democracy joke that fits well here.

Democracy is like sex. When it is good it is very, very good. When it is bad. . . it is still pretty damn good.