Being a Victim

When I complain, whine, and grumble, what I'm doing is playing the role of Victim. The ole poor me routine is a favorite for many of us. Why do we do it? There are so many benefits we can ascertain by playing the role of the victim. For one thing, when I am the victim I can whimper, bellyache, moan or complain, [and believe me, this is one of my stronger skills] and automatically gain self-worth. Like method actors, when I play the role of victim, I do it so well that I don’t realize it is a role. I don’t think of it as playing a role of victim, I feel that I am a victim.

If you do this too, then follow along. I think the role of victim has some benefits that are very attractive to us victim actors. If I am a true victim, then that means the crap going on in my life is not my fault. I have been treated unjustly. What has happened to me is wrong, unfair, incorrect and so I deserve . . . what?

Sympathy?
A rescuer to set things right?
Redress?

It seems absolutely reasonable to think that if I am a victim it is indisputable evidence that I am a worthy person. Victims, by definition, do not deserve what has happened to them, they, in fact deserve better.

If my esteem is low, then by playing the victim I am proving that I have worth, that I do really deserve better than what I’ve gotten.

Maybe I can’t get anyone to tell me they love me, but if I am pitiful enough I can get a bunch of “I’m so sorry” statements, and lots of “ooooohhh, that’s too bad” sounds, and I can just waller around in this pool of pity like it was a big ole sympathy Jacuzzi spa. If there are people I feel have ignored me, or treated me poorly, I might get them to feel guilty, and their guilt is as comforting as Bubble Bath, and aroma therapy. If I have pissed anyone off, then my newly established victim-hood may deflect and diminish their rage. “You wouldn’t hit a guy who’s already down would you?”

If I am a victims, that means that someone else is responsible for my problems. That’s very attractive. I mean, you think I want to be responsible for the mess my life is in, now? Why, when it can be someone else’s fault. My responsibility is gone, the weight of solving my problems is lifted. If I’m a victim then I have an excuse for being Forked-up beyond all recognition.
Obviously, this victim role may provide some sort term relief, but it is not a solution to my problems, nor would it be a long or lasting solution to your problems.

Self-pity is easily the most destructive of the non-pharmaceutical narcotics; it is addictive, gives momentary pleasure and separates the victim from reality. ~John W Gardner

The obvious question is: HOW DO I STOP? and the less obvious answer is: DON’T TRY TO STOP. DON’T DO ANYTHING OTHER THAN KNOW THAT YOU ARE PLAYING THE VICTIM ROLE.

As soon as you become aware that your victim feelings are an act, that alone will start the process of stopping the behavior. This is awareness, self-knowing.

Knowing others is wisdom;Knowing the self is enlightenment;Mastering others is strength;Mastering the self is true power. ~Lao-Tzu, Tao te Ching

Don't try to stop playing it. Don't do anything about it. Just simply see it. That's called "self-knowing." Awareness is always a key to addressing your problems.

Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it, we can never do anything wise in this world. ~Helen Keller