Change Yourself

It's easier to put on slippers than to carpet the whole world. ~Al Franken

What Mr. Franken is saying is that it is easier and more rationale to change yourself than to try to change the entire world. That is what I am doing with this blog, I hope, and that is working to change myself. I want my life to be a gentle journey and not a hard trip. Here are some random thoughts on how this self-tinkering might be accomplished:

Inner voice

I’m writing this blog, in part, because I am struggling to get in touch with my inner voice. If you think about it I feel certain you’ll notice that there is within you [and within all of us] a voice yammering on, giving us an internal commentary on everything we see, hear, feel and do. To be OK , to live fully, I must discover my inner voice, listen to what it is saying, and create a new voice based on my values rather than my circumstances, on my principles rather than my fears.

Relentless, repetitive self talk is what changes our self-image. ~Denis Waitley

Habits

Habits are so powerful that sometimes they don’t even seem like habits; they seem like irrevocable aspects of our life.

Habit is either the best of servants or the worst of masters. ~Nathaniel Emmons

Habits come in two styles Good Habits and Bad Habits. My habits express my behavior. My character is revealed by my habits. My habits function on both the conscious or sub-conscious level. I want to develop methods that enable me to recognize my habits. While changing one’s habits may be difficult, it is impossible if I unaware of what habits exist within me.

Habit is habit and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time. ~ Mark Twain

Awareness is the first step in being aware of your habits.

Proactive responses

Being proactive means that instead of merely reacting to what is happening in your life, you consciously wangle things around and create your own events. I get tired of circumstances controlling me. You can tell you are NOT Proactive when you notice yourself constantly blaming 'them' [management, incompetent bureaucrats, nosey neighbors, in-laws, your spouse] for things which seem to be happening to you? Instead of always reacting you can be proactive, but ONLY if you believe it is possible to act rather than react. Awareness is the essential first step to being proactive.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. ~Wayne Dyer

Limiting beliefs

'I can't', 'It'll never work', 'I'm no good...', 'They won't be able to...', 'You mustn't'. The statements made by us to us way too often limit our capabilities. Why do I choose to remember the negative comments? Why do I find it so hard to recognize that the mean stuff I say to myself has a certain negative power over my life. When I say limiting things to myself, I also tend to believe them.

Self-worth comes from one thing - thinking that you are worthy. ~Wayne Dyer

Once you believe the self-limiting stuff you become a limited person How do we change our self-limiting beliefs? There are three steps:

Step One: be aware of what we are saying to ourselves.

Step Two: questioning those beliefs. Ask:
Does this thing I’m saying make sense?
Where did I learn this idea, and from whom?
How is this thing I’m saying affecting me?

Step Three: stop it.

Caveat: If you are depressed enough when you question your beliefs you may not be able to trust your answers. For example: Am I really the dumbest man on earth? If you sincerely feel this is true, then just skip step two and go right to step three. If you really hate yourself, if you have a low opinion of yourself then don’t bother questioning the beliefs, just stop saying that stuff to yourself. You have to heal enough to get to the point when you CAN question yourself. Until then just stop talking to yourself.

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on. ~ Maxwell Maltz

Values

What are the most important things in your life. I don’t think this is something most people contemplate, or it is something contemplated only in times of great personal crisis and the rest of the time it is not considered in the slightest.

Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values. ~Dalai Lama

Why would the Dalai Lama give such advice? Because life is change, and change always involves choices, and choices made without considering your values can me that you choose a life without values, or worse, a life that conflicts with your values. Be aware of what your values are. This can be done by asking the following questions:

If could only choose five things to keep, what would you pick?
What do you like to achieve with your life?
What values would you like people to think of when they think of you?
What drives you?
What motivates you?

My values control my direction and empower me to live a rich and meaningful life, based on values important to me.