I Faked Being OK – But I’m Miles From OK

Yesterday I wrote about stress. I write like I’m some teacher/expert sharing my wisdom and sagacity, but the truth is, I was just thinking about stress because I was so stressed out. I had a job interview yesterday and I was really and truly stressed.

I’m remember a host of sayings right now:

Fake it ‘til you make it.
I’m preaching to myself.
When I point a finger at you, there are three of those fingers pointing back at me.

I don’t want to be a fake, but I am a fake. The difference is that I’m fakin’ it, and still not makin’ it. The thing is, what else am I to do? I am alive. If I want to continue to live, I need to have certain essentials (food, clothing, and shelter) and I don’t get that stuff without working, and, at this point in time, I’m applying for jobs, which require interviews, and now I’m back to faking being OK. I mean, who is going to hire someone who is not OK? Would you? I know I wouldn’t.

But the word fake has such negative connotations associated with it.

So why do I write these articles like I know what the hell I’m talking about?

Because I’m thinking, and I think best when I write, and I won’t write without the idea that maybe someone is going to read what I write, and therefore, what I write ought to be written in a way that would make it palatable to readers.

I’m not tightly wrapped, but I want to be tightly wrapped. How am I suppose to wrap myself up, and do I dare conclude the wrapping with a bow?

Here is a quote to consider:

If you haven't got it. Fake it! Too short? Wear big high heels, but do practice walking. ~Victoria Adams, also commonly known as Posh Spice

Ole Posh Spice makes an important point here. She advocates both faking it, and practice. The point is that the fake it ‘til ya make it part only works with the practice part.

So when I fake it, for a job interview, it is only going to work for me if I practice.

I’m a fake. I accept that. Here is how it works in my life: Let us say that I want to be more organized. You can believe me, my wife, my son, and everyone who knows me; I am NOT organized. So I will fake it.

I go to Office Depot and buy a pocket calender and then I start filling in the squares with appointments.

Next I set some rules for myself. I put my calender in one of the shoes I’m going to wear tomorrow. Then, when I go to put my shoes on, I pick out the calender, and as long as it is in my hand, I check my calender.

When the phone rings, before I pick up the phone I pick up the calender and a pen. When I say hello, I will have the calender open and the pen ready to jot down information.

Am I organized now? No. I’m just faking being organized. The thing is, if I do what Posh Spice says, IF I practice the fake, then, eventually, over time, I actually will become more organized.

Maybe another way to look at it is to say that my FAKE is really just a GOAL. Having a goal is part of a process. You work towards a goal, and as you work toward it, you will have errors, mistakes, false starts, set backs, and gradual progress. When I fake it, I am changing myself.

Words matter. The word FAKE implies so much negative that it is the wrong word to apply to one’s self unless your SELF is wanting to feel all negative. Pretending sounds a little better.

To pretend, I actually do the thing: I have therefore only pretended to pretend. ~Jacques Derrida

Practice is a better word than pretend.

It may take practice to think more positively and more compassionately, but just as you must train a puppy to behave the way you want it to, you must train your mind to behave itself. Otherwise, like the puppy, your mind will just make a lot of messes. ~Tom Barrett