Measuring myself

At any age, we may seek validation by adhering to other people's norms and values, taking the expectations of the world around us as the standard by which we measure ourselves. ~Maitland

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One of the most difficult things I face is my tendancy to measure myself with other people's measuring tapes. If you are unhappy with yourself check and see why. Always, always, always be courious about why you feel the way you feel. Rather than just surrendering to dispaire ask yourself, "Why am I dispairing? What is it I am really afraid of?"

Feeling irritated, restless, afraid, and hopeless is a reminder to listen more carefully to your thoughts.

Often you are going to discover that you're upset because you think you have fallen short of some standard. and that standard is other people's opinion.

When you think, "I'm poor," you are almost always thinking I'm poor because I don't have as much money as my brother, or friend, or neighbor. If you think, "I'm stupid," it is because you fear other people will think what you did or failed to do will be labled as stupid.

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If you are depressed it is almost certain that you filling your own head full of falsehoods about yourself. You lie to yourself because you have been programed to believe only the very worst things about yourself, and you confirm those lies by comparing yourself to other people. [Also, when you compare yourself to other people, you are comparing yourself to your assumptions about other people. Having a lot of money allows a person to have a lot of debt. Pretty people become bolimic because they see themselves as fat and ugly. People can appear to have strong marriages, but we don't see the seperate bedrooms and the countless affairs.]

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The sentence, "I can see that I am false," contains all you need for liberation. ~Sri Nisargadatta Maharaj

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Much, if not most, of what we think about ourselves is false.

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. . . the mind is neutral, equally capable of producing happiness or pain. It holds no preference for a cheerful expression over an angry one or vice versa. It is, however, true that the way the mind functions -- on either a limited or larger scale -- determines the way we live. ~Maitland

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When it comes to thinking, I envision my brain as a basket, in which I place thoughts. If I fill the basket with negative, self-hating thoughts, then I am going to be negative and hate myself. The counter to all this is to fill the mind with positive, self-esteeming thoughts.

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Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. ~Philippians 4:8

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Think on these things that are positive. You don't have to feel positive to do this. In fact, at first, you will not feel positive, and I'm positive about that. You are considering the choice of positive thoughts verses negative thoughts because you are having "feeling related" problems. So naturally to begin this process you will feel like something greasy on a stick but you are purposely, and with determined persistence placing positive, good thoughts into your mind.

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When we choose a fruit to eat, do we pick up the good mangoes or the rotten ones? It is the same in the mind. Learn to know which are the rotten thoughts and immediately turn from them to fill your basket with ripe beautiful mind state instead. ~Ajahn Chah