Relationships

Relationships are vital to human beings, but it is not a substitute for knowing yourself, and being comfortable in your own skin.

No one will ever breathe one breath for us. No one will ever think one thought that is ours. No one will ever stand in our bodies, experience what happens to us, feel our fears, dream our dreams, or cry our tears. We are born, live, and leave this life entirely on our own. . . . No one else can ever live a single moment of our lives for us. That we must do for ourselves. That is responsibility. ~Helmstetter

I object to most love songs. These love songs promulgate a very bad message. “I can’t live, if living is without you.” The song is saying that unless you have a particular relationship with a specific person, you might as well be dead. How about, “Loving you is easy ‘cause your beautiful.” This song is saying that unless you are beautiful you are going to be very difficult to love. My daddy use to say, “Beauty is only skin deep.” My high school buddies would add, “Yeah, but ugly is to the bone.” This stress on beauty has biological/evolutionary facets, but to a thinking being it is just plain dumb.

"There are two questions you ask in life; where am I going and who's going with me. Don't get them in the wrong order." ~Sam Keen

So there is no substitute for being in tune with your own living essence. But while working on the SELF is the priority, this does not denigrate or devalue the relationships that enhance our live. We need other beings in our life.

One of the oldest human needs is to have someone to wonder where you are when you don’t come home at night. ~Margaret Mead

I have been married for 37 years, and while I would not want to eliminate one moment of this life long relationship, I also will not claim that I have had a fun filled flawless marriage.

We should find perfect existence through imperfect existence. ~S. Suzuki

Love is not something you fall into. Love is a decision of the mind. Love can exist during periods of great difficulty, loss of sexual desire, worry, stress, frustration, and even anger.

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails." I Corinthians 13:4-8

Emotional connection is a need. It can be satisfied by making real connections with other people. If sex comes after a connection, awesome, but if a real connection is not made, sex will not create it. . . . Living without sex is entirely possible, but only if you are willing to understand that sex is not a need and resist the temptations to give in to it. ~ Angela S. Young
The problem with sex is that you could have sex1000 times and still be interested in number 1001. You can have ED, be 96, and have so much joint pain that sex would be impossible, and yet often, even under such conditions you are still a little horny. In a way, the more sex you have the more interested you are in sex.

The activity of sex will never ultimately satisfy the desire for sex. ~Buddha
Buddhism takes a strong ethical stand in human affairs and sexual behavior in particular. The most common formulation of Buddhist ethics are the five percents:

I undertake the training precept of:
1. Refraining from harming living beings/practicing loving kindness
2. Refraining from taking the non-given/practicing generosity
3. Refraining from committing sexual misconduct/practicing contentment
4. Refraining from false speech/practicing truthful communication
5. Refraining from intoxicants/practicing mindfulness.